http://from-fat-to-fit.blogspot.com

The sites a little (a lot) bland, but its a different set up to bravejournal and will take some time getting used to.

Thats where Matt and I will be for the next 8 weeks. We're both pretty excited, its gonna be good fun, and only good things can come of it.

Howdy folks.

Just a quick note to say this will probably be the last post here on my Blog. Please stop crying. I do realise that it will be hard at first, without your fix of subtle humour and swear words (FUCKCUNTSHIT) but Im sure youll get over it. Look at it this way, all the time you dont spend here you can be looking at porn.

With goats.

But its not all bad news. I have a new blog in the works with my good (if some what retarded) friend Matt from over at Ostrobogulous. The pair of us are teaming up to change ourselves, me by losing a big chunk of weight, and Matt by putting it on, in muscle form. I'll be posting the link to the new site in the next few days, so stay tuned.

And remember, in the words of that punch drunk fuckwit Jeff Fenech: I love yous all.

The above caricature was recently printed in a newspaper somewhere in the world. 15 million Atheists did nothing.

Fuck religion. You over-zealous fucking knob-jockeys. Fuck religion in the name of every dead human being ever to die in the name of a god.

Seriously, every fucking day I gotta look at, in one way or another, someone elses religious beliefs, without a say in the matter. Be it in the form of prayer, cultural attire, religious iconic jewelry, political propaganda, you name it. Its beginning to shit me to tears. The next news article I see about some holier-than-thou Christian telling me what is right and wrong in my life, or the next muslim telling me what I better not do for the fear of jihad Im gonna fucking spew. Go fuck yourselves.

Im 100% sure that without you fucking cockheads running round spouting your dribble in everyones ears the human race as a whole would greatly benefit. But luckily enough for you the defective human brain requires that safety net of knowing/thinking theyre going to a better place when they die. Most "believers" as far as Im concerned are mentally defective, theres something missing inside their brains, something that makes them lack the strength to live day-to-day on their own fortitudes and moral strengths and not fear the unknown.

I'll start believing in a "god" when a suitable scripture/bible is produced that has a whole section referring to dinosaurs. Explain that one away you cunts. In fact a sitdown meeting with that Christain fucker God, or Jesus, or whatever the fuck hes called, thats what Id like. Id take him.

Me: "So, tell me, with that whole not coveting thy neighbours wife, and not commiting adultery thing, you really fucked that one up, what with shafting Mary behind Joseph's back eh, eh?"

God: "..."

Oh, and to all you fucking Agnostic motherfuckers out there, get off the fucking fence.

5 isnt a big number. Sure its 5 times more than 1, but in the grand scheme of things, it isnt a big number.

Unless youre Matty from Ostrobogulous. 5 is fucking massive. 5 is....well fuck, 5 is gargantuan.

5 is the number of pins he was short of a 500 series this afternoon when we played league Tenpin.

Oh Ostro...you poor wretched soul...tormented by thine own retardedness.

Mine heart doth bleed for thee...

Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah.

HIGH: Finished work at 3.00pm today. Finishing work early of an afternoon is fucking awesome. Today was even more awesome because it means Ive only got two days left at my current job. Next week sometime I'll be starting a new job, and thats always exciting!

LOW: I have ZERO fucking enthusiasm in regards to the next two days. Its so hard to give a shit about a job youre leaving. Gonna be the two longest, cuntiest days EVAH.

HIGH: Went and picked up my phone today, you know the one I talked about in a previous post? Well I got to the service center to find they hadnt repaired the phone, but replaced it, SHINY AND BRAND NEW! Hooray!

LOW: The memory stick has been missing since we got the phone back the first time. The repair sheet we got back from the service agent lists the stick as never being with the unit when they got it. FUCKING BULLSHIT. Some fucking technician CUNT has probably stolen it, and is filling it with gay porn and pictures of octopus cocks. Its easy enough to replace I guess, but the pictures and videos of holidays and the night I proposed to my fiance sure as hell fucking arent.

HIGH: Thinking about how much the memory stick was missing pissed me off, I decided to visit the first place we dropped the phone off for repairs, Optus in Perth City. I explained to guy behind the counter what had happened, trying not to grind my teeth too much, and he went off to investigate. He returns a couple minutes later and explains that a full inventory of all parts belonging to the phone are done on check in. His records show a memory stick wasnt with the phone when they recieved it, but he also said that the guy who did the check in on the phone cant actually remember checking the memory stick slot, so IT MIGHT have been in the phone after all, and as I earlier suspected, when the techies recieved the phone, found the card and realised it wasnt put in as inventory, they pocketed it. After explaining this to me he reaches into his pocket, produces a 64meg memory stick, explaining that they have a box of spare parts, mainly batteries and covers, and that luckily for me there was a stick in the box, and hands it to me. He apologises for any trouble the loss of the stick may have caused, the loss of any data I had on the stick, and asks if he can help me with anything else. FUCKING LEGEND!

LOW: It took me 25 FUCKING MINUTES TO FIND A CAR PARK SPOT IN PERTH CITY!! Jesus H Christ on a Jumping Castle, Perth was a fucking chaotic battleground. And then I had to fucking pay to park. Fucking fuckity.

HIGH: Now that I wouldnt have to fork out my hard earned clams on a new memory stick, I decided to go and buy a new mouse, as my old Logitech is falling apart, years of gaming abuse having taken its toll. A quick visit to EB and I had a new Logitech MX510, a fucking bargain at $39, reduced from $89.

LOW: I arrived back at my car right as a parking inspector placed  a ticket for $100 under my windscreen wiper. WHAT THE FUCK? I knew for certain I had paid more than I needed to, the machine asked if I wanted to cancel my park, as I had overpaid. I quizzed the dude as to why he had given me a ticket and he explained that I was in a clear zone, that after a certain time in the afternoon all the parking spots along that street became  void, and any cars found parking there would be ticketed. He then pointed to a sign not 5 fucking meters from my car explaining exactly that. CUNTY.

What a fucking day.

Ever had those moments where youve been waiting for something for so long, with so much excitement and enthusiasm, and when you finally get to experience it, it sucks arse? That was this weeks bowling for me. Ive got zero excuses, I just sucked. Could hardly bowl a straight line and when I did I still missed.

Ostro (Matt) bowled REALLY well, that motherfucker. Yeah yeah we are a team and all that shit, but goddamnit, I wanted to whup his ass. Oh well, theres another 50 or so games for this season to do just that. There are a few pictures I took using Farrah's phone cam, but none of them are very good, I will however put them up if anyone wants to see them. There is a small amount of video footage thanks to Jimmy bringing his digicam, no idea what he plans to do with it yet, but Im sure itll be good.

In just a few hours the first team game for Split Happens will commence. Its the second game of the season, but the first for the team as a whole, two members were unable to make it the previous week due to prior commitments. Today will set the benchmark for the rest of the year, no doubt about it. I will layout below a brief profile of the team members for your viewing pleasure.

Team Name

Split Happens

We tossed up a few ideas, including iBowl and Holy Rollers, but in the end decided to go with Split Happens. iBowl was pretty cool, the logo was quite catchy, even if we did steal the idea directly from Apple.

Now, to lay down some background, I fucking hate religion. Christian religions in particular. Anything to do with Jesus, and God and yadda yadda yadda. Personally I find the religion offensive, but I'll save that for another post. So when we came up with the idea for Holy Rollers I thought it would be an excellent idea to take the piss. We could proclaim hallelujah when we hit a strike, and attempt to cast out the demons of shitty players, namely ourselves. But then Id always be forever explaining to people that the name carries no real religious beliefs and that I think God was a self righteous, commandment breaking fuck knuckle. Easier just to go with Split Happens.

Team Members.

Rick "Conty" Schuit

The self designated Captain of the team, he is the glue which binds. A moral pillar of strength and honesty, those around can but wonder in awe at his magnificence, hoping only one day to walk in his footsteps. Graced with unbelievable good looks and the strength of 1000 men, all shall fall before him, like bowling pins....

Strengths

1. Can break Hungarians like twigs.

2. See 1.

Weaknesses

1. Hahahahahaha

2. See 1.

Farrah "Foxxxy" Millar

With her first ever game reaching the dizzying heights of 176 against the Japanese back in '82, one would think this blonde-haired dynamo would be the one to wreak havoc upon the bowling lanes. Sadly her current form of dismal 90-100s is a let down for the team. She has only a few months to prove herself before she is replaced with a team of retarded meer cats.

Strengths

1. Nagging

2. Cleaning/Household Chores.

Weaknesses.

1. Nagging

2. The Friends TV series.

Matthew "Ostro" Szabo

This rising star of the bowling arena has everything that bowlers have……Three Fingers. Matthew or ‘Basil’ as his friend likes to call him, has no previous experience at bowling as there wasn’t a lot of it being done in Afghanistan, the country of his birth. Matthew decided to join this league in order to gain friendship, marriage and a permanent visa. His disability doesn’t slow him down, although his lack of coordination does. Matthew Jozsef Szabo is someone to look out for. Seriously when he is bowling look out….that poor woman never saw it coming…

Strengths

1. Ball Handling Skills *snicker*

2. Blood Type match for his bother.

Weaknesses

1. Sissy Emotions.

2. Weak Willed.

James "BFC Blog" Szabo

Even as a baby this superstar was playing with balls. In fact his obsession with them led to his parents enrolling him in JAB ( Junior Assoiciation of Bowlers) where he qucikly became league champion. An ever shining light for bowlers with disabilities, james invented the gutter guard system and  larger pins for easier strikes.  With an average of 100 this genetically challenged superbowler is a  force to be reckoned with.

Strengths

1. High Fives.

2. Being Unemployed (more practise time)

Weaknesses

1. High Fives

2. Mastourettes (masturbates at random)

Tune in later on this evening for a full run down on the nights events, hopefully with pictures and witty comments from yours truly.

With no ideas being put forth for names for our bowling team I set to thinking of one myself. Thanks very much you lazy, useless fuckers. Last time I rely on you for anything.

With my totally awesome MS Paint skills at the ready, I set forth into the deepest recesses of my imagination, found fuck all, and decided instead to rip off an iPod promo poster. Fuck Apple ok, they got me for almost 600 clams with all the iPod shit Ive bought.

Heres my results. Theyre rough but hey, your opinion counts for three parts of FUCK ALL considering youve given me NOTHING.

and

Fear my skillz...

UPDATE!!

It would seem young Jimmy over at The BFC Blog has shown his considerable skillz with all things Photoshop to create this piece of....art?