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Saturday, January 14th 2006

7:39 PM

Team Profile - Split Happens

  • Mood: Excited!
  • Music: The Greatest by Cat Power

In just a few hours the first team game for Split Happens will commence. Its the second game of the season, but the first for the team as a whole, two members were unable to make it the previous week due to prior commitments. Today will set the benchmark for the rest of the year, no doubt about it. I will layout below a brief profile of the team members for your viewing pleasure.

 

Team Name

 

Split Happens

 

We tossed up a few ideas, including iBowl and Holy Rollers, but in the end decided to go with Split Happens. iBowl was pretty cool, the logo was quite catchy, even if we did steal the idea directly from Apple.

Now, to lay down some background, I fucking hate religion. Christian religions in particular. Anything to do with Jesus, and God and yadda yadda yadda. Personally I find the religion offensive, but I'll save that for another post. So when we came up with the idea for Holy Rollers I thought it would be an excellent idea to take the piss. We could proclaim hallelujah when we hit a strike, and attempt to cast out the demons of shitty players, namely ourselves. But then Id always be forever explaining to people that the name carries no real religious beliefs and that I think God was a self righteous, commandment breaking fuck knuckle. Easier just to go with Split Happens.

 

Team Members.

 

Rick "Conty" Schuit

 

The self designated Captain of the team, he is the glue which binds. A moral pillar of strength and honesty, those around can but wonder in awe at his magnificence, hoping only one day to walk in his footsteps. Graced with unbelievable good looks and the strength of 1000 men, all shall fall before him, like bowling pins....

Strengths

1. Can break Hungarians like twigs.

2. See 1.

Weaknesses

1. Hahahahahaha

2. See 1.

 

Farrah "Foxxxy" Millar

 

With her first ever game reaching the dizzying heights of 176 against the Japanese back in '82, one would think this blonde-haired dynamo would be the one to wreak havoc upon the bowling lanes. Sadly her current form of dismal 90-100s is a let down for the team. She has only a few months to prove herself before she is replaced with a team of retarded meer cats.

 

Strengths

1. Nagging

2. Cleaning/Household Chores.

Weaknesses.

1. Nagging

2. The Friends TV series.

 

Matthew "Ostro" Szabo

 

This rising star of the bowling arena has everything that bowlers have……Three Fingers. Matthew or ‘Basil’ as his friend likes to call him, has no previous experience at bowling as there wasn’t a lot of it being done in Afghanistan, the country of his birth. Matthew decided to join this league in order to gain friendship, marriage and a permanent visa. His disability doesn’t slow him down, although his lack of coordination does. Matthew Jozsef Szabo is someone to look out for. Seriously when he is bowling look out….that poor woman never saw it coming…

 

Strengths

1. Ball Handling Skills *snicker*

2. Blood Type match for his bother.

Weaknesses

1. Sissy Emotions.

2. Weak Willed.

 

James "BFC Blog" Szabo

 

 

Even as a baby this superstar was playing with balls. In fact his obsession with them led to his parents enrolling him in JAB ( Junior Assoiciation of Bowlers) where he qucikly became league champion. An ever shining light for bowlers with disabilities, james invented the gutter guard system and  larger pins for easier strikes.  With an average of 100 this genetically challenged superbowler is a  force to be reckoned with.

 

Strengths

1. High Fives.

2. Being Unemployed (more practise time)

Weaknesses

1. High Fives

2. Mastourettes (masturbates at random)

 

 

Tune in later on this evening for a full run down on the nights events, hopefully with pictures and witty comments from yours truly.

 

 

 

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